devonly randomonium

Sugar-coated effery and shenanigans.

Here I Go Again

Heyooooooo, Internet friends!

Yes, I’m back. Now I know what you’re thinking. Probably something along the lines of, “Where the hell have you been for two years, Devon?”

Welp, it’s simple.

I’ve been making new friends. I’ve been working, not working and working again.

I’ve been gaining weight, losing weight, plateauing and getting back on my fitness grind.

Ahhhhhnnnnd, I’m still trying to figure out:

  • men
  • ways to get rich
  • why my uterus hates me
  • why I can’t find Homemade brand Cookies ‘n’ Cream ice cream at Acme anymore

It’s been an interesting two years. So I thought that it was time to start sharing some of my experiences and venting about my frustrations. Hey, it’s probably cheaper than therapy, and you might learn something along the way!

I started this blog after I lost my job a few years ago. I wanted to prove that I could write even though corporate America tried to dull my shine.

Keyword tried

At the time, I was angry, frustrated and mad at everyone. I was scraping to get by and it sucked. But I was fortunate because I had a good support system around me. My parents, friends and even my sister shared their hard-earned shillings so I could pay my car note, keep my phone on and do the basic things that I took for granted. When you’re not working, you long for a bit of normalcy. Even though I hated my job, I missed some of the folks who I had grown to love. I missed a regular paycheck. I hated not being able to go out. I missed shopping for crap I really didn’t need. I even missed going to Icky Sleaze(Mickey D’s) for a janky cheeseburger. I cried a lot. I blamed myself for my hardships, and I didn’t think that I would ever recover.

Fast forward to now, and I’m in a much better place.

I’m still learning. I’m still growing, but the one thing that remains the same is my shine. By shine, I mean my personality. I realized that no matter how tough things get, you can’t give up, and you can’t allow yourself to become defeated. You gotta keep pushing. You gotta keep knocking down doors. You gotta keep smiling even though you want to scream, junk punch and kick those dickwads who are trying to throw you off track. And you can’t stay in that dark place. If you do, it will kill your spirit. And at that point, you have allowed all of the negativity to destroy one of the most unique things about you.

So remember:

You live.

You learn.

You learn how to live—better.

Nothing is set in stone. Every day truly is a fresh start. Keep evolving, keep moving forward and keep being the very best you can be.

 

So there’s my serious post.

Now, on with the shenanigans! 🙂

 

 

 

 

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Do They Make Invisible Fence for Creepers?

Image

Source: Urlesque

I would love to start dating again, but I’m very afraid to do so.

Why? One word, eight letters.

C-R-E-E-P-E-R-S.

I was talking to a lady in Zumba class yesterday and this subject came up. It seems like many weirdos have crossed both of our paths over the years. We even admitted that we no longer make eye contact with certain guys because once you do, you’ve got a full-blown, code red clinger situation.

Guys, there’s nothing wrong with having a little confidence. But a woman saying “hello,” or “thank you” does not mean they think you’re the sexiest thing in the world, and that they want to have your baby right there on the spot. (Well, it might if you meet a rat, but for normal women it doesn’t.) Be a gentleman. Give the right response and keep it moving.

This brings me to Chief Hungry Eyes. Chief Hungry Eyes is the Chris Hansen-caliber predator in our Zumba class. Do I care if he reads this? No. It might help him get his weak game in check, and possibly avoid potential restraining orders. (So Chief if your reading, take notes. There will be a quiz.) Anywho, Chief Hungry Eyes always strolls into class late. And instead of walking in and finding a spot in the back of the gym, the Chief likes to make his presence known. He leisurely walks in and stares everyone down as if he’s at the world’s largest buffet. Then he selects his victim for that class and tortures them for an hour.

Now I’m pretty sure the Chief is harmless, but his creeper habits make me want to buy some dog mace and a whistle. But I’m sure that in his mind he’s smooth as silk, and he’s slaying hoes from coast to coast.

Wrong, wrong.

Guys like the Chief and all the random dudes I’ve encountered online and in real life have convinced me that I’m going to be alone for some time until I buy my pug. Me and Tommy the pug will live together and wear matching outfits. And when he dies, I’ll have him cloned so he can live forever.

Just kidding.

Dudes, don’t be creepers. It’s not hot. You telling me I look sexy in a pig costume (true story), or staring a woman down like a lunch buffet is not cool. Be charming, be witty and be a gentleman. Do this and you will be slaying the ladies from coast to coast.

In the meantime, I’m going to see if they can develop an Invisible Fence for creepers. I have to protect myself from further trauma.

Leave a comment »

Do They Make Invisible Fence for Creepers?

Image

Source: Urlesque

I would love to start dating again, but I’m very afraid to do so.

Why? One word, eight letters.

C-R-E-E-P-E-R-S.

I was talking to a lady in Zumba class yesterday and this subject came up. It seems like many weirdos have crossed both of our paths over the years. We even admitted that we no longer make eye contact with certain guys because once you do, you’ve got a full-blown, code red clinger situation.

Guys, there’s nothing wrong with having a little confidence. But a woman saying “hello,” or “thank you” does not mean they think you’re the sexiest thing in the world, and that they want to have your baby right there on the spot. (Well, it might if you meet a rat, but for normal women it doesn’t.) Be a gentleman. Give the right response and keep it moving.

This brings me to Chief Hungry Eyes. Chief Hungry Eyes is the Chris Hansen-caliber predator in our Zumba class. Do I care if he reads this? No. It might help him get his weak game in check, and possibly avoid potential restraining orders. (So Chief if your reading, take notes. There will be a quiz.) Anywho, Chief Hungry Eyes always strolls into class late. And instead of walking in and finding a spot in the back of the gym, the Chief likes to make his presence known. He leisurely walks in and stares everyone down as if he’s at the world’s largest buffet. Then he selects his victim for that class and tortures them for an hour.

Now I’m pretty sure the Chief is harmless, but his creeper habits make me want to buy some dog mace and a whistle. But I’m sure that in his mind he’s smooth as silk, and he’s slaying hoes from coast to coast.

Wrong, wrong.

Guys like the Chief and all the random dudes I’ve encountered online and in real life have convinced me that I’m going to be alone for some time until I buy my pug. Me and Tommy the pug will live together and wear matching outfits. And when he dies, I’ll have him cloned so he can live forever.

Just kidding.

Dudes, don’t be creepers. It’s not hot. You telling me I look sexy in a pig costume (true story), or staring a woman down like a lunch buffet is not cool. Be charming, be witty and be a gentleman. Do this and you will be slaying the ladies from coast to coast.

In the meantime, I’m going to see if they can develop an Invisible Fence for creepers. I have to protect myself from further trauma.

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Hello There!

Hey guys and gals! I’ve missed you all. I apologize for being a bum and not blogging for the last two weeks. But I’m baaaaack! More rants, recipes and fixations to come so stay tuned!

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Is This Thing On?

Hello everyone. For the last two weeks, a kind gentleman has been fussing at me to start a blog. So today, I decided to start my blog. Welcome to devonly randomonium. I can’t explain what will be going on here, but I encourage you to sit back, buckle up and enjoy the randomness. I like a lot of things and I have no problem sharing them with you. So check back from time to time, and feel free to drop me a line to let me know what you think.

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