devonly randomonium

Sugar-coated effery and shenanigans.

Do They Make Invisible Fence for Creepers?

Image

Source: Urlesque

I would love to start dating again, but I’m very afraid to do so.

Why? One word, eight letters.

C-R-E-E-P-E-R-S.

I was talking to a lady in Zumba class yesterday and this subject came up. It seems like many weirdos have crossed both of our paths over the years. We even admitted that we no longer make eye contact with certain guys because once you do, you’ve got a full-blown, code red clinger situation.

Guys, there’s nothing wrong with having a little confidence. But a woman saying “hello,” or “thank you” does not mean they think you’re the sexiest thing in the world, and that they want to have your baby right there on the spot. (Well, it might if you meet a rat, but for normal women it doesn’t.) Be a gentleman. Give the right response and keep it moving.

This brings me to Chief Hungry Eyes. Chief Hungry Eyes is the Chris Hansen-caliber predator in our Zumba class. Do I care if he reads this? No. It might help him get his weak game in check, and possibly avoid potential restraining orders. (So Chief if your reading, take notes. There will be a quiz.) Anywho, Chief Hungry Eyes always strolls into class late. And instead of walking in and finding a spot in the back of the gym, the Chief likes to make his presence known. He leisurely walks in and stares everyone down as if he’s at the world’s largest buffet. Then he selects his victim for that class and tortures them for an hour.

Now I’m pretty sure the Chief is harmless, but his creeper habits make me want to buy some dog mace and a whistle. But I’m sure that in his mind he’s smooth as silk, and he’s slaying hoes from coast to coast.

Wrong, wrong.

Guys like the Chief and all the random dudes I’ve encountered online and in real life have convinced me that I’m going to be alone for some time until I buy my pug. Me and Tommy the pug will live together and wear matching outfits. And when he dies, I’ll have him cloned so he can live forever.

Just kidding.

Dudes, don’t be creepers. It’s not hot. You telling me I look sexy in a pig costume (true story), or staring a woman down like a lunch buffet is not cool. Be charming, be witty and be a gentleman. Do this and you will be slaying the ladies from coast to coast.

In the meantime, I’m going to see if they can develop an Invisible Fence for creepers. I have to protect myself from further trauma.

Advertisements
Leave a comment »

Do They Make Invisible Fence for Creepers?

Image

Source: Urlesque

I would love to start dating again, but I’m very afraid to do so.

Why? One word, eight letters.

C-R-E-E-P-E-R-S.

I was talking to a lady in Zumba class yesterday and this subject came up. It seems like many weirdos have crossed both of our paths over the years. We even admitted that we no longer make eye contact with certain guys because once you do, you’ve got a full-blown, code red clinger situation.

Guys, there’s nothing wrong with having a little confidence. But a woman saying “hello,” or “thank you” does not mean they think you’re the sexiest thing in the world, and that they want to have your baby right there on the spot. (Well, it might if you meet a rat, but for normal women it doesn’t.) Be a gentleman. Give the right response and keep it moving.

This brings me to Chief Hungry Eyes. Chief Hungry Eyes is the Chris Hansen-caliber predator in our Zumba class. Do I care if he reads this? No. It might help him get his weak game in check, and possibly avoid potential restraining orders. (So Chief if your reading, take notes. There will be a quiz.) Anywho, Chief Hungry Eyes always strolls into class late. And instead of walking in and finding a spot in the back of the gym, the Chief likes to make his presence known. He leisurely walks in and stares everyone down as if he’s at the world’s largest buffet. Then he selects his victim for that class and tortures them for an hour.

Now I’m pretty sure the Chief is harmless, but his creeper habits make me want to buy some dog mace and a whistle. But I’m sure that in his mind he’s smooth as silk, and he’s slaying hoes from coast to coast.

Wrong, wrong.

Guys like the Chief and all the random dudes I’ve encountered online and in real life have convinced me that I’m going to be alone for some time until I buy my pug. Me and Tommy the pug will live together and wear matching outfits. And when he dies, I’ll have him cloned so he can live forever.

Just kidding.

Dudes, don’t be creepers. It’s not hot. You telling me I look sexy in a pig costume (true story), or staring a woman down like a lunch buffet is not cool. Be charming, be witty and be a gentleman. Do this and you will be slaying the ladies from coast to coast.

In the meantime, I’m going to see if they can develop an Invisible Fence for creepers. I have to protect myself from further trauma.

Leave a comment »

Off the Grid

Hello there.

Boy have I been a terrible blogger! I know, I know. I’ve been missing in action for a minute, but I did not forget about my blog. I’m back and you can expect more randomonium in the weeks to come. Nationwide was not lying when they said, “Life comes at you fast.” I’m not going to give you the laundry list of what went down, but let’s just say I’m back on track for now. Sayonara March! Bring on my birfday month!

While I was off the grid hunting animals, knitting scarves and building a log cabin….not really, I thought about one thing. No matter what I’m going through, I have to keep it moving and I have to keep it positive. This really hit home last month when my aunt died. The day before she passed, I was very frustrated and borderline bummed out. I was stressing because I’m still trying to recover from the events of last year, and I’m barely keeping my head above water. I was angry and all I could do was have a pity party of one.

The next morning, my phone rang at 7 a.m. It was my Mom and she was sobbing. I answered with a groggy, “Hello?” My Mom’s voice cracked as she said, “Call Papa. He said Aunt Vivian is dead. I’m not sure if he’s confused or not.” She started crying again and said, “I don’t want to wake your father up to tell him since he just had surgery. Please call Papa.” I reassured her that I would check on my grandpa, and hung up. I was shocked, but I remained calm and composed.

Calling Papa that day was pretty hard. On a regular day, Papa’s always cracking jokes or telling us what’s wrong with the world. But to hearing him cry that morning broke my heart. I told him I loved him. I also told him that despite the circumstances, God would bring him through. As I hung up, I felt like a complete jerk for being so consumed with my own stuff. My cousins lost their mom. Papa lost his daughter, and my uncle lost his wife. To me, that trumped whatever I was going through.

It’s funny how life teaches you so many lessons even when you’re not in a learning mood. When everything happened, it opened my eyes. It’s easy for us to get so caught up in our own stuff that we don’t often realize that people are out there fighting much tougher battles.  And sometimes it’s hard to understand life’s trials and tribulations. But once you make it through them, you become a little tougher and wiser.

So I might be scratching and surviving right now, but I have faith that I will get back on my feet eventually. In the meantime I’m just going to keep it moving and keep it positive. I encourage you to do the same no matter what you’re going through. And if you need to talk, yell or have a good come to Jesus moment, you know how to reach me. 🙂

 

 

2 Comments »