devonly randomonium

Sugar-coated effery and shenanigans.

Open Letter to Team Chunk

Dear Team Chunk,

I have to say that I am proud of you for the most part. Some of you have really stepped up your style game. You refuse to look frumpy, lumpy and dumpy. Instead, you’ve taken the latest fashion trends and made them work for you. I love what  you’re doing and encourage you to keep shutting it down.

Now on the other hand, some of you have really let me down. Some of you look like you don’t even know what a full-length mirror is. That or your friends, family, significant others and sales associates have been lying to you for a very long time. What am I referring to?

Ladies, I’m talking about the tight shirts that show every ripple, dimple, lump and bump. The graphic tees that you buy from stores that you have no business in because they sell nothing in your size. Or if they do, you probably have convinced yourself that you can buy stuff in the regular section because you’re still in denial about wearing plus sized clothes.

Why am I telling you to stop the Chuck Woolery tomfoolery? Three words – Pillsbury Grands biscuits. You know what happens when you peel the label off of a can of biscuits. The cardboard seams pop and the dough oozes out. Well, you look like a popped can of biscuits in those tight-ass shirts. A pan of hot, flaky-layer Grands biscuits looks good. You in a tight shirt with your gut and back rolls pushing through the fabric does not. Do me a favor and refer to a size chart before you buy another graphic tee.

And please stop with the super-small athletic apparel from once again, STORES THAT DON’T CARRY CLOTHING IN YOUR SIZE. You know what I’m talking about. Sweatpants from American Eagle, Aeropostale, Abercrombie, Juicy Couture and the Victoria’s Secret Pink collection.

First of all, when you’ve got junk, a couple of spare tires or even a beach ball in your “trunk,” you don’t need to advertise a damn thing on your behind. It doesn’t look “Juicy” at all. And it looks even worse when your butt crack is showing because you got low-rise pants since no other rise could accommodate your stomach. And leave the VS Pink pants alone too. On some of y’all, “PINK” looks like “PNK” (Their butts ate the “I”) or “PTNK”(Their butts stretched out the “I”).

Guys, you’re not off the hook either. I’m trying to figure out why you think a super-long tee or polo over pants that are fastened below your third trimester belly looks good? It doesn’t matter that you completed your ensemble with a hat and shoes that match. It just looks bad. Find some clothes that fit properly. All of that extra material just magnifies your problem areas anyway.

As your unofficial Team Chunk spokesperson, I say all of this in love. I am one of you and I know your struggles. I also believe that you can do better. Keep your head up Team Chunk and make me proud.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a chocolate blackout cupcake.

Yours in chunk,

Devon 🙂

Leave a comment »

Hipster Love Affair

Source: Blipsters

I heart hipsters.

Why?

I like some of their snarkiness , but I love them more for their fashion sense.

Years ago, I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to wear skinny jeans. I also couldn’t understand why it was necessary to wear a scarf year-round. Hipster fashion just didn’t make sense to me. I thought some of it was too costumey and mainly a way for people to draw attention to themselves. But there were some elements of it that I actually liked.

I remember flipping through Lucky magazine and seeing the trendy hipsternistas in funky tights, peasant skirts and dresses, and motorcycle jackets. I loved their sense of style, but I was too afraid to try some of their looks.

Now, I  love with hipster fashion. I don’t mind seeing a guy in some skinny jeans and a striped cardigan. I also think high-waisted, Ikat print miniskirts with bright tights and long cardigan vests look cool. It’s refreshing to see something a little different in OHIO. Lord knows that I am tired of seeing people Hollistered or American Eagled up. Let’s face it people. We are nowhere near California. So isn’t it time to give up the UGGS and the faux O.C. look?

When it comes to hipster fashion, Blipsters has been a great resource for me. This tumblr site is well done and features photos of blipsters (black hipsters)/hipsters from the past and present. The site also features music videos and other gems.

Another site I like is DapperLou.com. This blog was created by Ludget Delcy. Delcy worked as a freelance stylist and events writer for Essence.com. He created DapperLou to  “showcase the work and style of innovative men by publishing daily editorials and street styles. ” This blog features great photos of men in some pretty unique and fly outfits. Many of these men were spotted on the streets of NYC. I don’t have a man, but if I did, I wouldn’t have a problem with him dressing like some of the guys on DapperLou!

I think it’s time for me to let my inner blipster out. I’m not in full American Apparel, gold spandex pants mode, but I know I sure can rock a pair of tights!

Leave a comment »

The Mom Jean Menace

 

No girl, you don't look hawt.

Source: That Cool Broad

 

Hello, my name is Devon and I hate mom jeans.

It never ceases to amaze me when I see a woman rocking mom jeans. Especially when her  jeans are hiked up  to her boobs and secured with a belt.  I don’t know if it’s a midwestern thing or just pure laziness, but this look needs to be banned. Last time I checked, it was 2011. Heck, if you’re still sporting this look, you might as well bust out the scrunchies and off-the-shoulder sweatshirts too!

Nothing cracks me up more than when I see a woman who thinks she looks so hot…in mom jeans. Truth is, she really looks busted and behind on the times.

Honestly, I don’t think these jeans should be blamed on moms. I have friends who are mothers and they happen to be quite stylish. So I think they would be very offended if they were associated with those monstrosities. Instead, mom jeans should be called “I don’t give an eff jeans.” Why? Because that’s what you are telling us when you throw those bad boys on.

If you are as victim of this fashion nightmare, you need to realize one thing in order to stop the insanity. Jeans were not created to hold your gut in. If you are using them to do so, stop. Hey, I am a full-figured gal so I know it can be tough when you’re working with a little extra in the midsection. But looking like a marsupial is not cool. And when you hike your jeans up to hold your gut in, it makes you look straight dumpy just like this:

Source: Bruce Littlefield’s Life 101

If you’re looking for something to minimize your pouch, invest in a good body shaper.   You can even find jeans from   ShapeFX and Not Your Daughter’s Jeans that can help flatter your figure. They might be pricey, but anything’s better than camel toe.

If you need some guidance for buying new jeans, check out this month’s issue of InStyle. On page 259, you’ll find an article called, “What Goes with Which Jeans.” The article gives you tips for paring shoes and tops with cropped jeans, boyfriend jeans, flared jeans and non “don’t give an eff” high-waist jeans. Start here, and you should be good to go. And after you buy some great new jeans, make sure you burn your marsupial ones!

 

Leave a comment »